Southern Guide to Tashlich

Tashlich is an ancient symbolic ritual among Jews where we scatter crumbs from our pockets into a body of water with fish. As our friends below nibble it’s symbolizes parting ways with our sins. We say a few psalms, make personal commitments to change for the better and then shift to atonement in preparation for Yom Kippur.

If you are anywhere below the Mason-Dixon line, I invite you to a special Southern tashlich service. Bring your appropriate baked good tomorrow afternoon:

If you gossip too much: deep dish peach cobbler

If you are too affectionate and cause your partner to be late: spoonbread

If you are way too Lowcountry for your own good: rice waffles

If “it’s always complicated” and you have layers of issues: Smith Island cake

If you’re Always getting in trouble: Hot water cornbread

If you are too New Orleans for your own good: beignets

For bland sins: water challah

For really tasty sins: extra egg challah

For hardheadedness: beaten biscuits

For sins of cultural appropriation and overall racist b.s.: Aunt Jemima pancakes 

For sins that even G-d doesn’t understand: gluten free buttermilk biscuits 

For the sin of looking at somebody else’s form: Apple dumplings

For the sins of addiction: Krispy Kreme fresh off the conveyor belt

For the sins of going to funerals just for the food: caramel cake

For the sin of driving people crazy: pecan pie

For the sin of having bad taste in recipes: Frito pie

For the sin in having bad taste in presidents: Cheetoh pie 

For the regret over a Stein vote: Grasshopper pie

For the sin of always judging the hats ladies wear to services: lemon meringue pie

For the sin of being too Conch: key lime pie

For the sin of being too damn good: peanut pie

For the sin of being too eastern Kentucky for your own good: stack cake

For the sin of killing people with kindness: sweet potato pie

For the sin of writing this and laughing at my own jokes: cornbread

Happy Rosh Hashanah!